Coale's Great Catch
Q: Yo, Gossipman: I saw that list in the paper awhile back about the new pecking order for season tickets to Tech football games, starting with Number 1 – people “who have bought season tickets every year since 1966.” And at Number 2 are people who “give $5,000 a year to the Hokie Club,” and so on. After that heartbreaking loss in the Sugar Bowl where that PAC-12 review official killed us with the no-catch call on Danny Coale, I want to support the Hokies, but I’m not really in that financial or age bracket, if you know what I mean. Anyway, do you know the back end of the list to see if I have a chance? –J.M., Blacksburg
A: Feel your pain, J.M., feel your pain. And yes, through secret channels, G-man does have the other end of the get-tix list. The bottom four:
Number 231. Ticket holders for any single game in the PAC 12 going back to 1966.
Number 232. People who like the PAC 12, any team in it or who know any official’s name who has worked for the PAC 12.
Number 233. People who have ever been a replay official in the PAC 12.
Number 234. Deadbeats who see a beautifully athletic play by a hard-working kid from just up in Lexington and find a way to trash the play and then not even respond to ACC officials when they ask about the unbelievably stupid call.
Q: Dear Gossipman: I know from reading you all these years that you have broad knowledge about many subjects, but I’ve never read anything from you on spring garden tips. Give me your top five? –J.A., Roanoke
A: Thought you’d never ask, J.A.
1. Be sure to test the pH of your soil. All over Virginia, there are tiny pieces of patrick Henry DNA in the soil, but some areas have more, making your dirt look all dark and moist.
2. Try to get at least one plant problem with a really fun name to talk to the extension agent about. G-man’s favorite: blossom end rot.
3. Make an effort not to be too hard on area extension agents as they are very busy in spring; and remember, they can’t extend your garden beyond the borders of your yard no matter how good they are.
4. Help with water conservation by using those big barrels to collect water; but be sure to turn the hose off before they run over.
5. Rotate your crops. One easy way to do this is to pick your produce and then put it all in the dryer on “delicate” for 30 minutes.
Q: Gossipman: What the heck fun is Roanoke City Council these days when they don’t fight or even call each other names anymore? I mean why have the meetings at all if all they do is agree on stuff? –N.H., Roanoke
A: Calm down, N.H. Peace is a good thing. And the last thing we need is some rabblerouser like you to start stirring up trouble. I mean no one needs to know that last week Sherman called David B. a big stage hog, and David asked back why Sherman has a girl’s name for a last name. Or about Anita asking David T. if the Price of blades was too high for him to shave or what, and him telling Anita to stick a Fork in it. Then Bill’s best pitch was to ask Court if he was ever going to start shaving. Then the city attorney asked about that conflict of interest with Roanoke Electric Steel since Ray’s last name is Ferrous. All just between you and me, N.H.