High School Tracks, Don't Tread on Me
Q: Dear Gossipman – Did you see where they have finally gotten it worked out for citizens to walk or run on the tracks at Patrick Henry and William Fleming high schools? Oh wait, that’s right, they built a daggone new paved route outside of the Fleming track to keep people off of it, and put up that daunting fence at PH to decrease traffic there. What’s up with tracks they don’t want you to walk on when we paid for them? CM, SW.
A: Listen CM, this is far more complicated than you or I can fathom. Can you imagine if literally dozens of people starting using the track surfaces for what they were designed for?! Actually, those tracks were carefully constructed to accommodate up to three 115-pound sprinters at one time, and not an ounce more. Plus, competitors must now run in ballet shoes and only on every other day, to allow the tracks to breathe and heal after the pounding they take from guys putting their feet down so fast on them over and over again.
Q: I am heartbroken, G-man, about the recent closing of Lipes Pharmacy in South Roanoke. For many of us, it was a part of our growing up. What do you suggest as a balm for my aching heart? BF, SoRo.
A: How about this, BF… how about just putting it behind you, getting over it and shutting your piehole, huh? I mean there is no sense sitting around thinking about stuff like that, or even, say, Lyle Drug in Radford. I mean how long ago did it close right into the face of someone’s childhood memories? And the Bear Market there near it, and the High’s Ice Cream store and the Clover Creamery? And that little general store there where you could buy everything from marbles to Fats Domino 45s, after you walked down the hill onto First Street with your grandfather and your very own quarter to spend. Get over it, BF, just get over it.
Q: I just moved here, Gosspiman, and one of the reasons I came is that I heard about the “four mild seasons” in the Roanoke Valley. I’ve been here just over two years now and I have seen giant snow storms, hail the size of kingie marbles, tornado scares, trees blown down all over the place, Fishburn Park filled up with brown water several times, plus my basement flooded twice. That Kevin Myatt weather guy in the paper even has a daggone snow contest every year. Four mild seasons? Please. CC, SE.
A: G-man is getting ready to launch his own weather contest, CC, which will put Myatt’s weenie when-will-it-snow-an-inch-in-Bonsack to total rest. You can be the first to enter the fabulous Tornado Valley Weather Sweepstakes. Just pick the dates you predict for:
1. First tornado that doesn’t stay down there in Southwest Virgina, but actually comes to the Roanoke Valley!
2. First hail to break some neon in the Roanoke Star!
3. Next time the Roanoke River goes above 14 feet at Walnut Avenue and floods the greenway!