The story below is from our November/December 2023 issue. For more stories like it, Subscribe Today. Thank you!
Create magical memories this holiday season with your little sous chefs, thanks to these meltdown-free tips.
For many families, the holidays are notorious for two things: lots of food and lots of unscheduled time to occupy kids. (The line from “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” that goes “And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again” is IT.)
So it might seem like a no-brainer to try and make preparing all the meals and treats a fun activity in which to get the kids involved. All those family dishes and party desserts need preparing after all, and doesn’t that seem like a wholesome, enriching way to spend time with the kids in your life? What could go wrong?
In a word: Plenty! The first time I tried cooking with my kid, she was around two and I had a boxed brownie mix that seemed pretty foolproof. Until I proved that it was not. I underestimated just about every element of the situation, from my child’s interest level to how long it would take to how unbelievably messy one little ol’ box could produce. In what felt like both mere minutes and somehow also the longest hours of my life, my kitchen was a gloopy mess of powder and oil, my nerves were fried and I had a sobbing child who hadn’t realized she was going to have to wait another 45 minutes, plus cooling time before she could even taste the brownies we’d been through hell to create. The whole thing ended in an emergency drive through Starbucks for a cake pop and an unofficial agreement to swear off brownies forever.
If you’re anything like me, the actual nitty gritty of teaching a child to cook while also trying to produce something edible (forget about presentable!) might turn out to be the kind of minefield that does not bring out your favorite side of yourself. But teaching a child to navigate a recipe and a kitchen is a life-skill that we shouldn’t give up on so easily. Like everything else I’ve found with raising a child, I couldn’t consider Browni-pocalypse the end of teaching my child to cook: I had to take stock of the experience and try again.
So, from one high-strung mom trying to get better about cooking with her daughter, here is my list of tools, ideas and advice I’m going to follow this holiday season as we attempt to make some dishes for our family.
Gather Your Tools
Let’s start with some basics here. No matter what kind of recipe you’re working with, there are certain things every Cooking With Children experience will require.
Something to help them reach the cooking surfaces. Depending on the height of the kids and the set-up of the kitchen, you’ll need a stool. Usually a stepping stool is good enough, though there are lots of great options out there made specifically for keeping tiny people safe while they help in the kitchen. In a pinch, a chair turned backward so that the back can be a kind of railing can also work. Skip the whole thing by creating a work station for them on a table their own height. But heads up: Browni-pocalypse happened on a play mat on the kitchen floor, so maybe clear any pets from the space if you’re going to work low.
Sharp and breakable stuff: According to the kids’ ages and level of experience (and your own comfort levels!), you can opt for using actual knives and breakable dishware, or you can try out kid tools and unbreakable materials like silicone, metal or wood. Just be sure to read your recipes and determine what’s needed beforehand and try to have everything already prepped and ready to go.
Remember that nothing bums a kid out more than seeing a cool, shiny kitchen tool that they aren’t allowed to touch, so if you know that could be a problem either prepare everything well in advance so your best chef’s knife isn’t even needed in the moment, or have a talk ahead of time that sets the expectation of when and how a tool will be used by an adult, and give them a different job to do instead. (“While I’m chopping this stinky onion, you can pour the oil and salt on the vegetables in the bowl and stir them all up with your hands!”) Search for “Toddler knives” or “Montessori kitchen tools” to find options for kids you might like.
Stuff to clean with: Paper towels, dish rags, a spray bottle of water and baby wipes are your best friends. Put a towel or washable mat down to make floor clean-up super easy. Keep any actual cleaners, even nontoxic ones, set aside until the end as I’ve found that somehow if they are used while cooking is still happening, their flavors end up in the food.
Prep, Prep, Prep
In professional kitchens, the practice of mise en place, or setting up your station, is the cornerstone of success. This means chopping, dicing, peeling, measuring and cleaning up before you even start cooking. If you’re working with really little hands, this is essential: if all the ingredients are already prepared, it guarantees a feeling of accomplishment and success as you direct them to pour, dump and stir at the right moment. You are able to focus on the timing and the steps of the recipe without also scrambling to measure anything out or chop a last minute onion while also keeping an eye on your kid’s wandering fingers.
If you know the dish you’re making is going to require a long wait before it can be enjoyed, have a snack or activity ready to go during the waiting period. This was a key error during Browni-pocalypse that I have never repeated: After the brownies go into the oven, we are either making frosting or planning some decorations, or playing a game or making a bowl of popcorn and watching a show until we can eat the brownies. The betrayal of the original wait time was a tough one to recover from, but trust builds over time…
Make it a Party!
Hype the event a little bit to get the kids excited about it and aware of what to expect. We have had great success when we go to the library and pick out some cookbooks together, or look at picture books with baking or cooking stories in them. My daughter is far more interested in a baking or cooking project if she’s the one who picked out the recipe, so if that’s an option I’ll go that route. Watch some YouTube videos or kids’ cooking shows to get everyone excited about it.
Then go all in on the pageantry: wear aprons, play some fun music and pour a special cooking drink to sip on while you work. Take dance breaks. Laugh when an egg splats to the floor. Have a good time.
Manage Your Expectations & Be Flexible in the Moment
I am a bit of a perfectionist when I’m working on a project. This makes cooking with my child a challenge, because I can easily go into a mode of efficiency that is not exactly friendly to a kid just trying to have a nice time while she learns something new. I have to constantly remind myself that the journey is the destination here — it matters that my child not only learns how to follow a recipe, crack an egg or slice a vegetable, but that she enjoys doing it.
If there’s something they are physically capable of doing, let them. It can be tempting to handle most of the steps of the recipe yourself, but consider letting them get their hands dirty and try new skills. If you’re making banana bread, for example, let them practice slicing the banana (it’s soft enough that my daughter can do this with her plastic table knife) and then using a fork to mash it up. If the tools are a little too frustrating, let them use their hands — why not? Getting messy is half the fun.
This time we spend together is not only building essential knowledge about cooking but also about learning. As we make mistakes and have to try again, it’s a low-stakes opportunity for me to affirm that failure is okay. This matters a lot more than however the dish turns out at the end, whether it’s ugly, barely edible or takes four times as long to make. If I can keep my eyes on the prize, the time we spend cooking together will have value that long outlasts the time it takes to eat the product.
And maybe most importantly? Remember that store-bought is fine, too, at any stage in the game.
The story above is from our November/December 2023 issue. For more stories like it, Subscribe Today. Thank you!