Navigating the years as a college parent means growth on both ends.
Photo above: Kianna and her daughter, Kennady / ©Kinsey Goodman
Parenting is one of the most rewarding, demanding and transformative responsibilities we can undertake. From the moment our children are born, we are consumed with ensuring they are healthy, safe and happy. Each passing birthday brings new milestones — and with them, a deeper sense of pride and awe. We pour our energy into teaching them to be kind, responsible and resilient, praying the lessons stick. And then, seemingly overnight, they turn 18.
Legally, they are adults. Emotionally, we know better. Our bank accounts and refrigerators will quickly tell you otherwise.
In 2023, my husband and I watched two of our children graduate high school. It was one of the proudest and most bittersweet milestones of my life. They were headed off to college — both out of state — and while we celebrated their success, I was deeply aware that our family dynamic was shifting forever. No one prepared me for how hard it would be to let go.
Sure, they were still our responsibility, but gone were the days of hearing their laughter echoing through the house or just the mere knowledge that they were safe in their rooms. Friends told me to embrace the change and enjoy the freedom. But I wasn’t one of those moms. That summer, I cried almost daily, dreading the moment August would arrive.
And yet, I wasn’t alone. Many parents I spoke with were also struggling. We consoled each other, trading advice and reminders that the kids would be home for the holidays before we knew it. That helped… a little.
August came, and off they went. Watching them walk into this new phase of life was heart-wrenching. I hoped we had done enough to prepare them — hoped they would be safe, find their people, meet deadlines and continue to grow. But as much as I worried about whether they were ready, I hadn’t stopped to consider whether I was.
I knew early on that I didn’t want to be a helicopter parent. I made a conscious decision to trust them — to trust the foundation we had built. I called occasionally, texted often and made sure they knew I was always available, but not overbearing. It worked for us. That said, it wasn’t always easy.
I fought the urge to intervene when things got tough: when they were disappointed by grades, hurt by friends or overwhelmed by responsibilities. I wanted to drive hours just to give them a hug or email a professor to plead their case. But I didn’t. Instead, I listened, offered guidance when asked and allowed them the space to solve problems on their own.
The holidays arrived faster than expected, and when they came home, I noticed real growth. They were more considerate, more appreciative and just a bit more like the adults we hoped they’d become. As their second year began, they showed even more confidence — taking on leadership roles, internships and making plans for life beyond college.
Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing. They made decisions I didn’t agree with — like getting tattoos or planning spring break trips on a whim. And since they were paying their own way, what could I say? It was a humbling reminder that I was no longer the sole voice in their decision-making process. One that was hard to accept.
Then came another challenge many parents know too well: when they come home for summer break, they forget they’re no longer at school. Our daughter, now 19, was used to total independence. Suddenly, being asked to check in or be home by a certain time felt restrictive to her — but necessary for us. We had to gently but firmly remind her: our home isn’t a dorm, and respect goes both ways.
If you’re the parent of an upcoming college student, here’s my advice:
- Expect change, for them and for you. The shift to parenting from a distance is real.
- Communicate your expectations — both when they’re away and when they’re home.
- Trust the foundation you’ve laid. Your child will make mistakes, but they’ll learn from them.
- Give yourself grace. Missing them is normal. So is second-guessing. You’re learning, too.
Letting go doesn’t mean disappearing. It means learning how to stay close in new, more empowering ways. The college years are as much a journey for us as they are for our children — and like all things parenting, they’re filled with joy, challenge and love.
Tips for Parents of College Students
- Set communication expectations early. Discuss how often you’ll check in — daily texts, weekly calls or whenever they need you. Let them take the lead when possible.
- Resist the rescue instinct. Unless it’s an emergency, give them space to solve their own problems. Offer advice when asked, not solutions.
- Redefine the parent role. You’re still a guide — but more of a coach than a manager now. Encourage independence while offering support.
- Respect their growth. They may look and act different when they come home. Be open to who they’re becoming, not just who they were.
- Set boundaries at home. Clarify house rules during breaks — curfews, responsibilities and expectations. Balance freedom with respect for your household.
The story above is from our September/October 2025 issue. For more stories like it, Subscribe Today. Thank you!
