Q: Hey, Gossipman, I’ve written in the paper about this in the past, but nothing seems to change: Why is it that runners insist on running in the streets when, at least in my neighborhood, there are perfectly good sidewalks to run on, and what can be done about the problem? BB, SW
A: Yes, BB, we know you’ve been on this problem for years, and at last a solution appears to be on the horizon: Lots of runners rely on the sound of traffic approaching from behind to hop off the street, onto the sidewalk and out of your way. But now, for you and others working on solving the problem, the new electric cars may be the answer: Just sneak up silently from behind, step on the volts and take ‘em out!
Q: Can’t we get this 10 Commandments in the schools thing behind us? JC, Giles
A: JC – G-man has long been a proponent of the easy solution of putting up the Moonglows’ classic version from the ‘50s, “The 10 Commandments of Love”:
Thou shalt never love another
And stand by me all the while
Take happiness with the heartache
And go through love wearing a smile
Oh, how happy we will be if we keep the ten commandments of love
Thou shalt always have faith in me
In everything I say and do
Love with all your heart and soul
Until our life on earth is through
Oh how happy we will be if we keep the ten commandments of love
So come to me when I am lonely
Kiss me when you hold me tight
Treat me sweet and gentle
When we say good night
Oh, how happy we will be if we keep the ten commandments of love
Even though that’s really only like six commandments, it oughta shut up both the Bible thumpers and the ACLUers, and maybe get Giles County to chill a little by Giving Doo-Wop a Chance. And bad poetry too.
Q: I was wondering, Gossipman, if you’ve noticed the huge propensity of nurses deploying vanity plates. RNTHIS, RNTHAT, LPNMOI, IMLPN, you name it. Any theories on this phenomenon? MM, NE
A: Just a few theories, MM, in the form of a few other vanity plates: NOIDEA. SAYSWHO. NRSTHIS.
Q: Hey, Gossipman, you hear that Kohl’s is really going to happen!? I just can’t believe it that after all these years we are going to get the store I’ve been dreaming of. So totally different from J.C. Penney, Macy’s and Target! Anyway, now that my retail dream has come true, what’s next on the Roanoke Retail Horizon? LS, SW
A: Hey, the website MyRetailRoanoke.com lists more than 600 additonal retailers (Gossipman could not make this up), that users of the site are pining for. Gossipman’s personal faves from the list: Ben & Jerry’s, Haagen Daz, Carvel, Kohr Bros Frozen Custard and of course Frederick’s of Hollywood.
