Dear Gossipman: I am simply heartbroken with the news that Natural Bridge is up for sale – that the place where so much history has taken place, that Thomas Jefferson used to own, where George Washington carved his initials, where Indians held sacred rites. –F.G., Rockbridge County.
Calm down, F.G., and keep several other things in mind:
1. Thomas Jefferson used to own slaves, too.
2. Wait, I thought George’s only bad act was with the cherry tree; who knew he was out defacing National Historic Landmarks!
3. Yeah, some of those Indian rites are really worth remembering, right?
And hey, even if it does get sold to Walmart, say, we still have a ton of cheesy, frozen-in-the ‘50s attractions around here, like the Texas Tavern, say, or Dixie Caverns. Or Dixie Desire, for that matter, the stripper who used to work at the old Papa Joe’s Club over in Southeast, and still hangs around out there once in awhile, at age 83, looking for lost glory.
Q. My son is about to become an Eagle Scout, and I am so proud. He has worked for years, and will have earned his 20th merit badge about a week before his 18th birthday, but won’t get that Eagle-earning 21st one until just after his 18th birthday (with the required approval). Is that going to be a problem? –Worried Mom, Roanoke County
Well, Mom, it depends. If his last merit effort is this one:
“Choose a charitable organization outside of Scouting that interests you and brings people in your community together to work for the good of your community.”
And he chooses, say, Roanoke Ride Solutions, you needn’t worry; but if he picks, say, Roanoke Pride, he may well get the boot there at the last second from a lifetime of good deeds because, you know, at age 18 he could suddenly be dangerous.
Q. Gossipman – Have you seen all this flack about possible raises for Roanoke City Council members? I think it would be a terrible misuse of funds at a time when threats to the safety of public meetings are increasing by the day. I think the city should take that money and apply it to increased security for council –F.L., Roanoke
Funny you should mention that, F.L. Even as we speak, council is in negotiations with the Science Museum of Western Virginia to make possible use of the museum’s crack security team, which has run into only minor problems with the USDA over juuust a few butterflies escaping from the new rooftop butterfly habitat atop Center in the Square. The thinking is that with that kind of track record, maybe the museum people will only lose track of the one or two council members nobody would miss, and then the rest of them could split up the leftover loot.
