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When it comes to fostering, the willingness to open your home and your heart to children who start as strangers is a willingness to love a child you never knew until they showed up on your doorstep.
*Some names have been changed to protect privacy
Typically, the best place for a child is with his family – but not always. In cases where children are abused, neglected or their safety and health are compromised in other ways, the department of social services steps in and works with area foster care agencies to find placements for the children.
The goal of foster care is to take a child out of an unsafe or unstable environment and place them in a safe, caring one with the hope that one day, their family can provide a safe and nurturing home and they can be reunited. While the initial hope of all involved is that families heal and are reunited, about 32% of foster children in Virginia experience reunification with their parents. The role of a foster parent is to provide temporary care in their home until they find a permanent home with their family, a relative or through adoption.
Over 1,000 children are in foster care throughout Southwest Virginia. Kaycin Ballard, Roanoke Recruitment Coordinator at Embrace Treatment Foster Care, says they typically have 35-60 children awaiting placement.
“There are never enough families,” she says. “Each foster family offers something unique to a child so the more families there are the better chance of finding a match that will be successful and help the kids continue to grow.”
Jennifer Shively, Intercept Treatment Foster Care Director, says they currently have 131 children in Southwest Virginia. She says the most difficult thing in placing children is that they pull at your heartstrings.
“We have a heart to care and protect. We want to give them the best life and opportunities possible,” Shively says.
Mateja Kormann of Roanoke felt called to care for children, though was not sure in what capacity. While trying to figure that out, she and her husband, Joseph Kormann, tried to have children.
“After years of no luck, we began switching gears and looking into other options to make a difference in the world. I started searching adoption websites and it just felt like that wasn’t right. Then the Holy Spirit prompted me to Google foster care.”
They prayed on it and decided to become foster parents. They welcomed their first foster child into their home in August 2018. Since then, they have had seven foster children, one of whom has moved in with his grandfather. One has joined the Marines and the Kormanns are currently adopting siblings Izabella, 7, and Bryson, 12, who have been in their care for two years. They are also adopting a baby (not through foster care).
When asked about foster care, Izabella says, “It’s good and sad because I miss my mom and dad, but this family is great.”
The fate of the other set of sibling girls is unknown. Dilania*, 11, says at first being in foster care with another family “was hard, but when I walked in the door (at the Kormanns), my world changed. They are taking care of us.”
Trey, 18, graduated from high school with hopes to intern at a hospital because he likes helping people. He spent two years with another foster mom before coming to live with the Kormanns two years ago and says foster care helped him “do better and stay out of trouble” by providing a change of environment and influences. It gave him a chance to better his life and being part of the Fostering Futures program will help him be more independent.
Fostering Futures is a voluntary program that provides youth with services and financial support until the age of 21. The program helps the youth with housing (staying with their foster parents, room and board for school or independent living program), as well as education and job training.
With her daughter grown and gone, Regina Robertson of Rocky Mount had an empty nest, an empty bed and a caring heart. She knew there were children that needed a place to stay and someone to care for them. Her sister, a foster parent, recommended Robertson become one. Since 2012, she has cared for over 50 children between 10 and 18 years of age for up to two years.
Currently, Logan, 17, has been with her over a year. He works part-time at Walmart and was recently promoted to 2nd Lieutenant in ROTC.
“Most of my children either went home or left at 18. I’ve had a couple go to other homes and a few placed in residential homes,” says Robertson. “Helping children and teaching them has been rewarding. Some have reached out years later to thank me for all I did for them. While some of their behaviors were difficult, the most difficult part was when they left my home. I’ve cried after each child left.”
Joni Bradley* fostered over 45 children between 1991 and 2002 when she and her first husband had children and she wanted to say home while still “contributing to society.” She and her second husband were almost 50 with grown children when they fostered two sets of siblings and ended up adopting all six children.
“The number one reason is we love children and want to make a difference,” Bradley says. “It’s tough, but it’s rewarding.”
Four of the children they adopted are siblings who spent several years homeless, living in a van or in parks with six other siblings and a drug-addicted mom. They have experienced a lot of trauma; some of them have reactive detachment disorder, which means they have a hard time managing their emotions and forming meaningful connections.
“We can help them overcome the trauma and give them love and encouragement, but we can’t take away what they’ve been through. We can only teach them a different way,” Bradley says.
They are currently fostering a 10-year-old as well as a six-year-old with autism. When he arrived a year ago, he didn’t talk at all. Now he calls her “Mama J” and can communicate better.
Foster parents shared that there are challenges inherent with fostering, such as not knowing all the children have been through and not knowing the ultimate outcome. They say rewards include creating relationships and seeing the children grow in positive and productive ways, seeing them go from timid to participating in sports, making friends and improving in school.
Children often arrive with few possessions and low self-esteem, with a lot of pain and insecurity. Foster families care for them, guide them, protect them and love them and sometimes, adopt them or let them go once their family is healed enough to welcome them home.
As Kormann says, “We aren’t here to take the place of their biological family. We are here to be a bridge."
Could Fostering Be for You?
“If you have an empty bed, room in your heart for love, there are children out there that need both. Don’t just think about small children; teenagers need love, too. It’s fulfilling and you’ll always feel needed.” - Roberta Robertson, foster parent to over 50 children
Do you have extra room in your home and heart?
Foster parents play a special role in our communities. They provide a safe, nurturing home to children whose biological families need help in various areas like parenting, substance abuse, domestic abuse, mental health and poverty. Foster families are part of a system designed to strengthen families and offer better futures for children which in turn, builds up our communities.
To become a foster parent, begin by looking at the DSS website for requirements. Talk to people who have been foster parents through various agencies and to agency representatives to determine which might be the best fit for your family.
Foster parents:
- Can be married, single, widowed or divorced
- Must be over 21 years old
- Have stable income/finances
- Pass background checks: criminal history, child protective services and driving record
- Meet certain physical requirements
To be approved, you will be required to attend trainings, have home visits and fill out paperwork including preferences about age, gender, race/ethnicity and behaviors.
After approval (which can take 90 days or more), the agency will match placements and provide assistance as needed. Many agencies offer ongoing training and support groups and arrange respite care. Respite foster care parents provide short-term (a day, weekend or week) care to give foster parents time to go to a wedding, get away or have a short break.
Mateja Kormann says, “My advice to anyone looking into fostering is pray, lean on God’s understanding and don’t hold back. Put your all into every kiddo that walks through your door. They need your love more than you need to feel guarded.”
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